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| Author | Message |
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Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Shuken Clan Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:55 pm | |
| ( ) Clan: ShukenLocation: Yokuchigakure Clan History: Weakness That’s all they were known for, being weak. After all, what was a Shinobi who couldn't even use Ninjutsu, useless is what they were. Years of being a laughing stock, what could they do for their village. Despite all this the clan was determined to prove everyone wrong, and that even though they couldn't use jutsu like everyone else they could still make great Shinobi. After many years of getting no where a few generations down the line, they grew used to their fate and gave up on their obsession of proving everyone wrong. They settled in as regular civilians, people still cracking jokes about them. All of which, except for one young child. He still hung on to the notion of proving everyone wrong, his parents didn't want to let him go through with this but they knew he’d never forgive them if they didn't. The young boy started his days in the academy, quickly becoming the butt of everyone’s jokes. One child in particular went out of his way to anger the Shuken. After being humiliated in a spar with his new rival, the child let out his anger in an abandoned construction area. Picking up some scaffolding and slamming it into the walls, at one point of coincidence he swung the scaffolding underarm striking the ground. The ground fragmented and wrapped around the metal and fired off into the wall ahead, astonished the young Shuken thought he’d found the answer. Metal, was that the answer? The next day he stopped his bully in the street holding the scaffolding in his hand. The people of the street interested in the ruckus laughed when Shuken challenged the other kid. The kid threatened to beat the Shuken into the ground, smirking he brought the metal under his body running it through the ground and fired off the rocks like yesterday. They slammed into the kid knocking him onto the ground, he began to cry like he had made the young Shuken. The people of the street were taken aback, how was this possible? The Shuken clan couldn’t do anything. “Who is this kid?” one of the villagers asked, he replied “Shisio Shuken” before walking home to show his family the strength they had. The clan became stronger, training in the arts of Blacksmithing and becoming a strong force in the village. Before known as laughing stocks, today known as proud warriors. Elements: None Specialization: Weapon technician Kekkei Genkai: Metal Bound Limitation Kekkei Genkai Description: The clan are taught efficient ways to wield a special chakra metal, if used correctly this alloy can form the shape of the users will changing itself in combat. An ability that takes years of dedication to learn and an overlooked combat tool only the Shuken clan has put the effort into learning. They believe that this shows their superiority in not just normal blacksmithing, but being able to perform it on a whole new level in the middle of combat. The custom made alloy can be manipulated into any shape in battle spanning a maximum length of 3 meters. The alloy can take the shape of anything the creator wills spanning from chakrams to swords, shields or maces however can only be in the form of a single weapon per alloy. The average time of transformation is 1.5 seconds to change shape depending on the size of the weapon, if the alloy is broken in weapon form it can be reverted into the original state as it can use chakra to repair itself. The use of the weapon depends on the users will power and concentration as their will wavers the weapon becomes weaker if they lose their concentration then it reverts back to it's original state. Drawbacks: The Shuken clan can only use Chakra when connected to metal and can only use an element jutsu when connected to said element via the metal they wield, as such when not in contact with said metal they can only rely on Taijutsu. With training the Shinobi with this Kekkei genkai are able to create the element at will through the metal but this takes a few years of hard training to achieve. additionally most jutsu can not be learnt by the Shuken family due to them not being able to for the chakra without metal. Restricting them to Jutsu that the clan has created for themselves. Name: Reaper Canon/Custom: Custom Rank: D - SType: Offensive Element: AnyRange: Close to Mid Range Specialty: Weapon technician Duration: -X chakra per post, lasts one post (D:5, C:5, B:10, A:15, S:20) Cooldown: PassiveDescription: Fires a razor sharp arc of the main chakra nature from the user, the arc flows forward in a straight path and cannot change direction once fired. The user must be in contact with both metal and the element they are firing. Meaning that a Shinobi with a wind nature must use metal to make contact with air to use it, and a Shinobi with a lightning nature must use metal to make contact with lighting or electricity use it. More advanced users who have been training for years can heighten this ability to a much higher level allowing them to create the element themselves to fire off without having to be in contact with it removing the large disadvantage of the fire and lightning element users. - Fuuton,Suiton:
D rank would be minor skin lacerations very light surface damage, enough to draw blood
C rank would be slightly stronger able to go a bit deeper into the body. and maybe slight armour penetration but only really light armour
B rank would allow the user to cut into muscle tissue quite easily causing major bleeding but not enough to go through bone or any armour a strong as.
A rank would allow the user to sever limbs or go through heavy armour
S rank would be enough to go through both heavy armour and the limb and even cause damage to some targets behind depending on how easily it got through the first target
- Doton:
D rank would inflict minor skin laceration and bruising but nothing but chip damage really
C rank will inflict the same amount of laceration but perhaps do more damage to the muscles in terms of bruising but no major upgrade
B rank will be capable of major bruising and laceration but can additionally dislocate and damage bones and organs
A rank is capable of major structure damage breaking bones and causing internal bleeding in organs
S rank is capable of impaling enemies and causing major bleeding plus all of the above
- Katon:
D rank can cause very minor burns taking off hair
C rank causes harsher burns to the skin but not enough to boil, can set material aflame
B rank can make the skin boil and peel
A rank enough to cause 3rd degree burns smouldering skin harshly
S rank can eliminate limbs burning away flesh very quickly with prolonged exposure taking away all the flesh from the bone
- Raiton:
D rank causes minor shock, slight perception decrease and tingling
C rank Cause minor shock and slight loss of muscle control
B rank causes harsh pain, respiratory arrest and severe muscle contraction
A rank can cause major muscle contraction and nerve damage and can cause the heart to become unsteady and slightly weaker temporarily
S rank causes Cardiac arrest, internal organ damage and severe burns
Last edited by Snowl on Sun Jun 29, 2014 4:01 pm; edited 17 times in total |
| | | Raijin Jounin (S-Rank)
Posts : 551
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:04 pm | |
| Not a bad start. Expand on "These attacks are highly potent and can do exceeding damage if used right". What does that mean exactly?
You're able to list 1-3 jutsu on this sheet that any clan member will automatically know/have for free, so I would suggest taking advantage of that. If they're only able to use a special metal for their chakra based jutsu, you need to create that as an item that the clan members start with; even if it's just an ingot that they forge into their own weapon. Unless you're locking them to just swords; I would switch Kenjutsu for Weapon Technician; since that spec would be closer to what I'm reading this clan does, and opens up ALL weaponry, not just swords.
As for the pet aspect; that's fine as well, since this clan has a major drawback to their chakra usage abilities, we can allow a secondary clan ability in the pet bonding; normally that would be an individual thing because they have another ability. Like I said however, we can allow for both because of how limited the clan is by the Metal Bound Limitation. You'll need to specify what kind of pet the clan members get, or just copy the combat pet template if they're free to create their own pet when they create their character. |
| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Wed Jun 25, 2014 9:21 am | |
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| | | Amara Jounin (S-Rank)
Posts : 1150
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Wed Jun 25, 2014 9:55 am | |
| Jutsu on our site follow a specific template that you'll need to fill out for it; that template can be found here. Please fill it out accordingly for your clan's jutsu and bump the topic again when you're done. |
| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Wed Jun 25, 2014 10:16 am | |
| Mkay I've updated that hopefully it's up to snuff~ :3 |
| | | Hisoka Special Jounin
Posts : 464
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Wed Jun 25, 2014 3:55 pm | |
| - Quote :
- Kekkei Genkai Jutsu:
Name: x release: Reaper Canon/Custom: Custom Rank: D, but the user can increase it's power by adding more chakra into it, increasing it's rank Type: Offensive Element: Works for any Chakra nature Range: Close to Mid Range Specialty: Weapon technician Duration: Until it collides with an object or dissipates after a small distance. At longest around 10 to 15 meters Cooldown: Can be again almost straight away, however rapid firing increases chakra consumption wearing the user out faster Description: Fires a razor sharp arc of the main chakra nature from the user, the arc flows forward in a straight path and cannot change direction once fired. The user must be in contact with both metal and the element they are firing. Meaning that a Shinobi with a wind nature must be in contact with air to use it, and a Shinobi with a lightning nature must be in contact with electricity or lightning to use it. More advanced users who have been training for years can heighten this level to a much higher ability allowing them to create the element themselves to fire off without having to be in contact with it removing the large disadvantage of the fire and lightning element users. What is X Release? In this case, the release would be the clan name, since you didn't name a specific type of custom release. If the rank of the jutsu scales, you list the rank as D-X where x is the highest rank it scales to (Max of SS). Element in this case would be 'Any'. Duration for this would be a chakra drain (-X chakra per post where x is the chakra amount (5,10,15,etc depending on rank), cooldown would be "Passive" because this is the only chakra ability your clan has. - Quote :
- Fires a razor sharp arc of the main chakra nature from the user, the arc flows forward in a straight path and cannot change direction once fired. The user must be in contact with both metal and the element they are firing. Meaning that a Shinobi with a wind nature must be in contact with air to use it, and a Shinobi with a lightning nature must be in contact with electricity or lightning to use it. More advanced users who have been training for years can heighten this level to a much higher ability allowing them to create the element themselves to fire off without having to be in contact with it removing the large disadvantage of the fire and lightning element users.
This... doesn't make any sense. This wouldn't be contact with a 'metal', this is contact with the element they want to use. In fact, this is something completely different than what you're saying the KKG of the clan is. You need to either bring this in line with what the stated KKG is, or rework the KKG, because they contradict each other pretty hard. |
| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Wed Jun 25, 2014 4:19 pm | |
| Mkay~ the hopefully I got it right this time bump~ |
| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:12 pm | |
| I feel as though I might be done this time, sorry to bother you guys with such a pain in the ass from the get go but hopefully something good will come from this x3 |
| | | Amara Jounin (S-Rank)
Posts : 1150
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:07 pm | |
| Alright, I’m going to break this down between sections.
Duration: -X chakra per post (D:5, C:5, B:10, A:15, S:20) ß The duration of a jutsu is how long it lasts. From the description you’ve written this jutsu sounds like a one shot sort of deal. This means that the duration should read as “Duration: 1 Post” Then add in the list of how much chakra each rank of this jutsu would do since I see that you have it multi-ranked. If you want this jutsu to last over so many posts with a constant chakra cost then please write that into the description as such so that it reads something along the lines of “As long as contact is maintained with the element being used then the jutsu can be maintained”. If you have it last for several posts then you do not need to change the duration as its written now.
Description: Fires a razor sharp arc of the main chakra nature from the user, the arc flows forward in a straight path and cannot change direction once fired. The user must be in contact with both metal and the element they are firing. Meaning that a Shinobi with a wind nature must use metal to make contact with air to use it, and a Shinobi with a lightning nature must use metal to make contact with lighting or electricity use it. More advanced users who have been training for years can heighten this ability to a much higher level allowing them to create the element themselves to fire off without having to be in contact with it removing the large disadvantage of the fire and lightning element users. <- Alright, on to your description. If you’re keeping this jutsu as multi ranked (D – S) then you need to write out what your jutsu does damage wise at each rank. You also need to explain at what ranks you can start to create the element yourself compared to having to draw upon the element already there.
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| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:36 pm | |
| Mkay, thank you for the advice. I've specified on the damage levels and when creation of elements comes into play and wrote mana instead of chakra each time -.- I rewrote that though |
| | | Hisoka Special Jounin
Posts : 464
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Fri Jun 27, 2014 6:57 pm | |
| - Quote :
- Fires a razor sharp arc of the main chakra nature from the user, the arc flows forward in a straight path and cannot change direction once fired. The user must be in contact with both metal and the element they are firing. Meaning that a Shinobi with a wind nature must use metal to make contact with air to use it, and a Shinobi with a lightning nature must use metal to make contact with lighting or electricity use it. More advanced users who have been training for years can heighten this ability to a much higher level allowing them to create the element themselves to fire off without having to be in contact with it removing the large disadvantage of the fire and lightning element users.
I've told you before, if you're keeping the part about having to be in contact with the element, it needs to be in the KKG description; not the jutsu. - Quote :
- When the jutsu hits B in rank the user can create the element without having to be in contact with it however it costs double the chakra, when scaled up once more to A rank the user will have naturally learnt how to manifest the element and can use it without the additional chakra cost. At level D the ability is usually enough to cause minor skin lacerations, at C can pierce light armour such as flak jackets and cause minor skin lacerations. At B rank it can cause major bleeding and cut in muscle tissue but not bone very easily. A Rank can allow the user to sever limbs and pierce thick armour to cause minor skin lacerations. At it's final S rank it is capable of cleaving though a small number of targets before dissipating making a destructive jutsu.
Holyblockoftext Batman. Split this up by rank. You need to describe the power and damage for each rank this jutsu covers. Format the jutsu description this way: Description: (modified text here) D-Rank: (text here) C-Rank: (Text here) B-Rank:(Text here) A-Rank: (text here) S-rank: (text here) This way the jutsu is clean and easy to read; and not so confusing for everyone. |
| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:56 pm | |
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| | | Hisoka Special Jounin
Posts : 464
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:07 pm | |
| So much better; now we just need to get the damage calculations right. give us an idea of how deeply you can cut and whatnot, and we'll go from there. |
| | | Karmine Genin
Posts : 48
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Sat Jun 28, 2014 5:24 am | |
| Well if we were using the human body as our scale for damage - Fuuton,Suiton:
D rank would be minor skin lacerations very light surface damage, enough to draw blood
C rank would be slightly stronger able to go a bit deeper into the body. and maybe slight armour penetration but only really light armour
B rank would allow the user to cut into muscle tissue quite easily causing major bleeding but not enough to go through bone or any armour a strong as.
A rank would allow the user to sever limbs or go through heavy armour
S rank would be enough to go through both heavy armour and the limb and even cause damage to some targets behind depending on how easily it got through the first target
- Doton:
D rank would inflict minor skin laceration and bruising but nothing but chip damage really
C rank will inflict the same amount of laceration but perhaps do more damage to the muscles in terms of bruising but no major upgrade
B rank will be capable of major bruising and laceration but can additionally dislocate and damage bones and organs
A rank is capable of major structure damage breaking bones and causing internal bleeding in organs
S rank is capable of impaling enemies and causing major bleeding plus all of the above
- Katon:
D rank can cause very minor burns taking off hair
C rank causes harsher burns to the skin but not enough to boil, can set material aflame
B rank can make the skin boil and peel
A rank enough to cause 3rd degree burns smouldering skin harshly
S rank can eliminate limbs burning away flesh very quickly with prolonged exposure taking away all the flesh from the bone
- Raiton:
D rank causes minor shock, slight perception decrease and tingling
C rank Cause minor shock and slight loss of muscle control
B rank causes harsh pain, respiratory arrest and severe muscle contraction
A rank can cause major muscle contraction and nerve damage and can cause the heart to become unsteady and slightly weaker temporarily
S rank causes Cardiac arrest, internal organ damage and severe burns
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| | | Aisling Hakage
Posts : 667
| Subject: Re: Shuken Clan Wed Jul 02, 2014 5:19 pm | |
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